REASONS NOT TO EAT
You feel like SHIT after eating
Your thighs, ass and hips will be slimmer
Other girls will want to look like you
You''ll look like a supermodel or actress
Your wont get sweaty on hot days
Youll rake in compliments
Your stomach bulges out when you eat
Starvation draws social energy into you
People will talk about how skinny you are
Clothes will look better on you
The longer you fast, the easier it is to continue w/ it
Self-starvation shows strong will power
Its harder to work out with food in your stomach
Youll feel light as a feather and pure
It proves you aren''t addicted to food like everyone is
It will expose you to less carcinogens
People will be concerned about you
Its more healthy and athletic
If you don''t eat, you won''t binge
You can run on sheer mind power alone
Vitamins will be rapidly absorbed
It sabotages your past, present and future efforts
It shows how well you can take care of yourself
Your skin will be taut and toned *yay no stretch marks!*
You won''t get anxious over what you''ve eaten
You''ll stop traffic
THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF EATING
Read my pro-ana journals
Organize my room
Organize my bag
Organize my desk
Hang up clothes
Clean kitchen & Do dishes
Go to pro-ana sites
Go to my pro-ana clubs
Read pro-ana list emails
Sleep
Listen to music
Dance
Watch TV
Catch up on my letters
Read a magazine
Write in my diary
Read other peoples diaries
Call someone
Change posters
Do my nails
Write songs
Work on music
Make a new desktop background
Work on new website layouts
Add stuff to my websites
Fix stuff that''s wrong with my websites
Answer emails
STUDY
Think about if I am really hungry or if I''m just bored
Drink water
Write a letter to myself about why I shouldn''t eat.
Do crunches
Do the stuff on my to do list
Get a job
Sing
Go for a walk
Chew on gum
Read a magazine
Look through a catalog
Surf the web
Write a poem, novel, pro-ana
Start a pro-ana web site
Exercise
Walk the dog
Read a novel about an eating disorder
Calculate the calories I had today, yesterday, this week, this month, this year
Get on the scale
Try on tight jeans
Talk to a friend
Take a nap
Suck on hard candy
Clean
Make a new list of things not to eat
Try to write an pro-ana novel
Go to the library
Learn to do a new craft
Work on your crafts
Take a night course
Go to school
Get a job
Go for a drive
Browse the malls (avoid the food courts, of course walking through the food court without getting anything to eat was wonderful)
Organize my CDs in alphabetical order
Take photos of myself (or have someone else do it), with my digital camera I can compare myself right away.
Walk to the convenience store and buy a diet drink or bottle of water
Guzzle down water
Calculate the amount of water I drank today, yesterday, this week, this month, this year
Play with a baby, kid, dog, cat, parent
Volunteer
Visit my grandmother (as long as she doesnt try to fatten you up)
Go to a chat room
E-mail someone
Get a daily planner and work on it, or update my current one
Do homework
Do extra credit
Take a bath
Do a facial
Whiten my teeth or at least brush them
Paint my nails/toenails
Experiment with different hair styles
Try on all my clothes, see which ones fit now
Organize my closet
Refold my clothes in my drawer
Do laundry (same as clean, I guess)
Write in my diary/journal (on line or paper)
Go to church
Start a new scrapbook or continue working on one (perhaps an ana scrap book of some sort or just a family one)
Make my meal plans for the day, week
Make my grocery list up (think of low cal foods to eat)
Call a friend
Go to a friends (but not for dinner)
Take a nap
LETTER TO ANA
Dear Ana,
I offer you my soul, my heart and my bodily functions. I give you all my earthly possessions. I seek your wisdom, your faith and your featherweight.
I pledge to obtain the ability to float, to lower my weight to the single digits; I pledge to stare into space, to fear food, and to see obese images in the mirror.
I will worship you and pledge to be a faithful servant until death does us part. If I cheat on you and procreate with Ronald McDonald, Dave Thomas, the colonel or that cute little dog. I will kneel over my toilet and thrust my fingers deep in my throat and pray for your forgiveness. Please Ana, dont'' give up on me. I''m so weak, I know but only you with your strength inside me will I become a woman worthy of love and respect.
I''m begging for you not to give up, I''m pleading with my shallow breaths and my pale skin. I bleed for you; suffer leg pains, headaches and fainting spells. My love for you makes me dizzy and confused I dont'' know whether I''m coming or going. Men run when they see the love I have for you and never return. But they aren''t important to me all thats important is that you love me.
If you stay with me, I will worship you daily, I will run miles a day, come rain, snow, bitter cold or searing heat I will run from the pain and in fright. I will do 1,000 sit ups a day and lie to my family about what I eat and how I feel.
I will stop weeping when I feel your warm arms embrace my shivering body. I will numb the hunger pains with razor blades and your strength.
Today in the next few minutes the New Year starts, 2001. I renew our friendship and resolve to be faithful to you year long, life long. I begin the year with a 3 day fast in honor of you. If you give me the strength to fade away I will love you and worship you forever.
When Im finally faded to nothing, when you''ve given me the gift of ending this torturous life. I will float on to the next world and be thin and beautiful payment for my undying love for you in this world.
I ask only one more thing you, please ana, remove me from this hell, from this world ASAP. Please take away this hatred for my pain and allow me to be free and light.
Love Always,
Lynette
LETTER FROM ANA
A Letter from Anna
Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so-called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Anna. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you.
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely nowhere! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, and further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look...fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell you the truth. Your parents, let''s not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.
But I am about to change all that.
I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly: decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some sit-ups. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won''t be long before I tell you that it isn''t good enough.
I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurring together as one.
I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount your calories for the day. It''s too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.
Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you''ve eaten something. No piece of anything... if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.
Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will open slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self-control, you are going to get fat.
When it is over, you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I''ll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don''t pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen! Who cares?! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.
Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.
I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, and forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.
Sincerely, Ana
TIPS & TRICKS
The following from various sources]
Drink tons of water, the colder the better... not only does it fill you up but your body also burns extra calories to bring it up to body temperature.
Throw away foods that you think you might be tempted to binge on
Make a Pro Anorexia Journal~ Cut out inspiring pictures, articles, etc. Also make a daily list of what you eat and your activities and subtract the calories you ate from the calories you used to find out how many extra calories you have used.
Brush your mouth and teeth often. A fresh mouth helps keep you wanting to eat.
Sit up straight; you burn 10% more calories with a good posture.
Less than 6 hours sleep at night stimulates your metabolism. (unconfirmed)
When dining out, no matter what the waiter says about the fat or calorie content of food assume everything is covered with butter, even the silverware!
If you''re madly thinking about eating and you''re around other people, listen to them eating, it is the most repulsive sound and it will definitely kill your appetite and make you glad you''re pure. *Shudder* yuck, it echoes in your head.
I have a very good tip for cravingswell this is what I do whenever I want crackers: I go downstairs to pretend like Im eating.. Meanwhile Im pouring milk down the drain and such.. i walk upstairs with some crackers in my hand, like Im gonna snack on them in my room.. I crush them up in my hands over the trash can and just smell my hands It gets rid of my craving.
Keep moving: On top of working out or dancing or whatever you do, increase your daily exercise
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